It\'s like a nightmare. You\'re running. You\'re running away from something... from a big rabid dog... or a tsunami... or an avalanche. You don\'t know what it is. You\'re just scared and running really fast. And you don\'t look back either. You get to a short wall. You jump to go over it. You can\'t. You jump again. You can\'t. You jump higher but no matter how hard you try you can\'t jump over the short wall. The dog\'s bark gets louder. The roar of the wave gets closer and the crash of the avalanche more powerful. You keep jumping. You jump and sweat. You sweat and pant. Then you suddenly wake up. You\'re soaked in sweat and short of breath. At first you\'re happy that you\'re free of the rabid dog, tsunami and avalanche. But as soon as you find out that it was all a dream, you start thinking about your other nightmares. If only you could find out what happens next.

No it\'s not like that.

It\'s like a computer game. One of those games where you\'re holding a strange and bizarre machinegun in one hand and a long sword in the other and a bunch of thugs keep jumping on you and you have to keep killing them and lose blood and sweat till you die. Then start the game from the beginning again and kill and kill till you die again and start all over again. Your wrist hurts. Your fingers throb and your eyes burn. But you won\'t quit and keep killing till you die. You repeat this so many times that suddenly you see a strange and bizarre machinegun is in one hand and a long sword in the other and a bunch of thugs keep jumping on you and you have to keep killing them and lose blood and sweat till you die. But this time you only die once. For good.

No it\'s not like that either.

It\'s like a festering cyst, oozing pus. It burns. It hurts. But it feels good, too. The more pus oozes, the more it burns and the more the cyst hurts. But, well, someday someone has to prick the big, ugly cyst. And you know it. Even now, although it burns and hurts, it feels good.

How to talk about it? I don\'t know, but I want to be green, a garden, something like the memories of a childhood New Year holiday.

English translation: {Simin Dehghani}